Archive | December, 2012

And in these words, I find what I want in a relationship.

30 Dec


I’m obsessed with this type of obsession.


I seriously have no idea what to do on the internet anymore.

24 Dec

I used to spend so many hours “browsing” the web and I NEVER got tired of it.

First it was with MySpace and that included all the customization things that was attached to it, then it was my fan forums, which are a bit embarrassing to name. After that, I hooked myself up a Tumblr and StumbleUpon and again, I would just sit there and do whatever the fuck I did for an insane amount of time.


I really remember having so much fun with that and now I have no idea what to do!


I read the Yahoo stories a lot and go on daily. I also go to Twitter and Facebook, but since I usually just use my apps for them, I don’t really count them.


I have a tumblr once more, but my WiFi sucks balls, so every other picture takes forever to load, which takes the fun out of it.

I am now trying to learn how to use 4chan, but I haven’t made any fucking progress on it.


I seriously have no reason to be on the internet, I don’t do anything on it!


I guess I watch a lot of TV and movies, but again, I don’t think those things count.

I want to enjoy my websites again, damn it!


Suggestions? Please!

You can’t blame me, he is so pale <3

23 Dec

Is it so wrong to have a crush since the 7th grade?

I don’t like the guy, but my goodness, I still want him lol


This is awful.

I fear that this will become one of those things I end up regretting somewhere along in life.

I will be like 70 and still wonder why I didn’t get to go out with that boy.

God, I hope not.


But still, he isn’t even that cute, I just like him because I do and that’s that.

And he isn’t as mean to me as he is to his other gal pals.

Of course, he probably doesn’t care about me as much.


Listen to me, I AM in 7th grade again D:

Even with braces on

22 Dec

You know, I was once known for my smile?

It’s true. Not widely known, but my friends would always teased about how I was always smiling.

I got plenty of compliments on it too.

I have very large teeth. 

I guess that’s a good thing.


I find it funny that before, I could not take a single picture without flashing my pearly whites as wide as my lips would allow.

I just didn’t think I looked nice or pretty if I didn’t smile.


Now, one of my friend keeps saying that I look like the grumpy cat.

It’s a meme which has a cat looking very mad, hence the name.



I don’t try to smile with my teeth anymore because it seems very forced.

I really don’t know where I’m trying to get at here.

I’m just blabbing. I wish I still smiled like I did then. 

It was nice getting compliments on such a basic thing. 

Again, this probably has no point to it, I’m writing thing because it popped into my head, but now I’m thinking better of it and I feel quite self absorbed by trying to make sense out of it.

I’m sorry. 

Take me to Therapy.

21 Dec

Sometimes I do wonder how bad exactly do I have to get to be helped.


I’ve said it before, I want to get help, but I don’t think anyone will see anything wrong with me.

And not to mention how cold I’d get at night.

20 Dec

Yesterday I was walking around Downtown San Francisco when I saw a little restaurant with a help wanted sign. Immediately what popped into my head was “If I ran away over here, I could get that job and survive!”


Just to help out this picture, I guess I should mention that I live near Los Angeles, so I was pretty far from home.


Instead of getting super excited at the thought, I began running through all the reasons as to how that wouldn’t worked out in my head. 


That really sucked. 

I started thinking about running away to England. I would get a credit card and buy a plane ticket. I would get over there and get a job and become friends with cool people. 

That wouldn’t work. You can’t get a job over there unless you have a work visa and I hear that that isn’t very easy to get. 

Maybe I can transfer to a school over there. That doesn’t seem like running away though. 


At 19, it wouldn’t be running away, it would just be moving.

If anything, I wouldn’t even be running away from home, I would be running from school, and that is just called dropping out, which would just…no.

I hate this.

I never snuck out, I never ran away, I never ditched school, and now I can’t do it because it wouldn’t be as liberating as it would be if I was younger and because I’m of age,  I can do all that and it would just be normal.



I know 19 is still very, very young, but I hate feeling like everything I do from here on out will not equal how fun and exhilarating it felt to be doing things for the first time ever.

I just really feel like crying.

15 Dec

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I haven’t been able to do well at school and I just don’t know how to handle it! I really don’t want to get kicked out, but by the way my grades are shaping up, it looks like I am just one more fuck up away from looking at probation.

And you know, it would be really cool if I had something to blame. It would be a lot easier for me if it was because I was a raging party girl that is always too hungover to go to lecture or something, or if I was a workaholic who was so immersed in making money that I stopped seeing the importance of an education. That would be really swell because then I would know what the problem was.

I don’t do ANYTHING. That’s my problem. I literally sit on my bed and play with my computer all day and night. Play isn’t even the right word, because that alludes to actually doing something. I visit 3 or 4 websites and just refresh them. That’s it.


I am pretty sure I just failed a class that should have been an easy A.


I am pretty sure of it.

I get so frustrated because my friends are doing so well in their schools.

Even the people who aren’t having fun are at least getting decent grades and I am not!

I feel so stupid because I keep letting myself do this. I don’t know how to study.

That’s just it.


I don’t know how to open a book and learn anything from it.


I want help but I don’t know where to get it. I want help studying.


I can’t really do that anymore because I am now back at home for winter break, but when I go back, I really don’t want to fail out of class and I am so scared that I will.