Archive | February, 2014

Don’t Touch me

25 Feb

The first time it happened was when I was 16. 

I was hanging out with my then boyfriend behind a library. We were making out and doing that sort of nonsense teenagers do when they’re out in public when I said something about meat I think.

 

He then got his hand and cupped my butt and squeezed, saying some bullshit about being “piece of grade A meant”

I laughed it off, but I didn’t forget about it.

It bothered me. 

No, my butt wasn’t his. My body is my body, and I don’t care if I was making out with him before, he has no right to touch my backside and claim it as his own.

It made me feel dirty.

 

A few years later, I was a large party. I was walking around with a really tight red dress, trying to look for lord knows who. I was completely sober at this party and I pass by a group of guys.

As I’m walking by, I feel one of their hands grab my butt.

I turn around, and I have no idea what just happened, but they’re laughing. Their laughing at me.

I get the sudden urge to punch them, but I had no idea which one of those foul boys did it. I give them a mad glare and walk away.

 

A year after, I’m at a party bus, and I’m dancing and what not when the same thing happens. Someone touches me, and again, I want to throw my first at somebody’s face, but there are too many people to tell which one disrespected me in that way. I move to the other side of the bus.

A few months pass, and I’m in a class. We’re taking a group picture and all of a sudden, I feel a smack on my backside and hear some snickers. I turn around and the guy in back of me panics and explains how it was his hand, but the guy in back of him did the movement. I see the guy he was talking about and surely enough, he admits to doing that as a joke. I laugh this one off, because I too think it was funny.

 

This past Saturday, I went to a kickback. One of my friends got super drunk, as he always does, and grabbed my butt while he was standing next to me.

This time I do react. I hit him in the chest and start repeating “You can’t do that. Please dont do that. that’s not okay”

I’m yelling and his less drunk friend asks me whats wrong and I tell him. I think he can tell that I’m freaking out, since he pulls him aside and tells him to calm down.

 

I tell one of my girlfriend and she acts like its not a big deal. “Yeah, thats how he is when he’s drunk.”

 

No, not with me.

I feel so violated when that shit happens. 

I feel so dirty and disrespected. I don’t get why anybody would make a girl feel so cheap like that, and I never thought I had to expect that kind of behavior from people I consider a friend.

That’s not okay.

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I’m going to rant

22 Feb
One thing that really bothers me…

I’m going to complain about my love life a bit.

I have this thing where I like to whine about how I don’t like anyone and I’m not interested in anyone.

Whenever I do that, my friends are always quick to tell me that there are people that “like” me, but I have to give them a chance. 

I don’t think thats fair though.

I don’t think that because someone finds interest in me, that I HAVE to show interest back.

I like to do the chasing (which might be why I have little luck in the dating department). I don’t want to go out with someone just because they asked me out.

I want to be genuinly interested in them. I want to care about what they are going to day, and be comfortable enough that I won’t have to worry about yawning in the middle of a conversation.

I don’t know. I feel like people mistake my single status for desperateness.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the guys that like me, I just don’t feel like I owe them anything for doing so.

I’ve been called too picky, but really, I’m not. 

I think that wanting to go out with someone I am actually attracted too is not too much to ask, that’s all.