while i try not to fall asleep

18 May

I feel like I am too ugly to have sex and if that people hear that I do, they’ll be disgusted by it.

But the guy who almost raped me the other night clearly doesn’t mind being there when I’m drunk and stand next to him like I don’t know what I’m doing.

My roommate was mad when I didn’t tell her where I slept over or with whom. I am terrified of telling them and I feel like I owe it to myself to keeep this a secret. I have complained about coming off as a prude to people, but I kind of like not being talked about. I can have my fun and nobody will question my morals. I’m not even having too much fun anyway.

plus, i get envious when my friends talk about all the sex theryre having. I can do it!

I just wish this kid wasn’t so interesting. I honestly would never have started to even kiss him if I knew it would ruin any chance for a possible friendship. It’s not that I like him like him, I just think he’s so cool to listen to and his friends always seem to have fun around him. I’m not attracted to him, the time he almost attacked me in the restroom proved that. I only sleep with him because he was the only cute-ish guy that was also too drunk and really easy who asks me if I wanna go over.

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