Tag Archives: affection

Haiku about Every Boy I’ve Kissed So Far

24 Mar

 

1) You were a dare but

I still smile when I think of

you. We were thirteen.

 

2) I kissed you just to

fit in with the cool girls and

because you were nice.

 

3) I’m pretty sure I

loved your skateboard more than I

could ever like you.

 

4) You drained my color

I’m getting it back by bits.

You are an asshole.

 

5) I will never be

into guys with Jordans. You’re

a funny friend though.

 

6) I only let you

kiss me because I thought then

you would  disappear .

 

7) I was happy to

be another conquest of

your thick loud accent.

8)You looked like a god

too bad you fucked like a slob

take my number though

 

9)I was lonely when

you said “please stay”. Then you shut

the door on my face.

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All the boys I’ve kissed so far (not in Haiku)

24 Mar

1) You were just a dare but I still smile when I think of you.

2) I kissed you just to fit in with the cool girls and because you were nice about it.

3) I’m pretty sure I loved your skateboard more than I could have ever liked you.

4) You drained me of every ounce of confidence I had. I’m still trying to get it back, Asshole.

5) I was never into guys with Jordans. You are a funny friend though.

6) I only kissed back because I thought I was never going to see you again.

7) I was happy to be another conquest because I liked your smile and your Russian accent.

8) You looked like an Angel, too bad you fucked like a slob.

9) I was lonely when you asked me to stay. After, you slammed the door on my face. It must be another one of your vices.

All pride aside…

6 Jan

I met up with my ex-boyfriend this morning.

To give you a bit of a backstory, I was his girlfriend for 2 years and 8 months. He is two years older than me, and we broke up last December for many reasons, but it was my decision.

To say his home life is fucked up would be an understatement. During our time together, he told me some things about his past problems, and as time went on, it became clear just how much those problems had affected him in the present.

He cheated on me several times, and I never really found out but I always suspected.

I don’t know exactly what did it, but at one point he stopped with his bullshit and actually fell in love with me.

It was too late for me and fast forward some time, I ended up calling it quits. He would still talk to me and I wouldn’t mind until he became very rude and mean online.

He put up vile things on his Facebook and Twitter in attempt to hurt me, so I ended all communication with him, and that’s how it remained for the entire year of 2012.

Today was awful.

I felt awkward and uncomfortable. I couldn’t even look at him. I spent most of my time with my arms and legs crossed, staring at the floor.

I had thought that he had something he wanted to tell me, but instead he fessed up to just wanting to see me, which really pissed me off.

I didn’t want to see him for fun. The only reason I agreed to seeing him was because I got tired of avoiding him or running away from him. I don’t want to talk to him, I don’t want to see him, but running away seems awfully immature, and it’s just bullshit from my part.

He was pretty calm. He asked me questions and I could tell he wanted me to ask him those questions back but I refused to give him the pleasure of asking. That was mean.

I didn’t really get anything out of it. I doubt he did either, since I was being a bitch. I seriously looked like I was taken hostage, but I agreed to meet him there, so I should have been more mature about the situation.

I really wanted to cry. It sucked. I hate feeling such an anger toward someone who used to be my favorite person. I hate that I want to hurt his feelings. Yes, he was a dick, but he was a young kid, and he has apologized for it. I know that I never want a relationship with him, but I don’t think that justifies me being so rude.

I can tell that he is going through a lot of shit. His friends tell me that he is troubled still and his family is vicious with him. I want to want to help him, but I can’t anymore because I just remember crying in my stupid shower after seeing flirty online messages to other girls. That’s bullshit isn’t it? It sounds so childish and petty, but it still hurts.

He probably isn’t the same way, and maybe he does need someone to support him. He looks so broken now and all he wants is to be able to have a conversation with me, and I can’t give him that. I know he misses me and I know that he really wants to be able to crack a few jokes or have me at least say hello.

I can’t.

I hate this. I hate how I can’t care for him anymore. I can’t sit next to him, and before, he was the only person I wanted to spend my time with.

All big talk aside, I did love him. I was never in love with him, but I did love him and care about his well being and yes, it fucking sucks that I can’t talk.

A few months ago, he asked me where did all my affection for him go. I wish I knew.

I wish I can hug him and tell him that everything is going to be okay, but I don’t even want to ask him how his day was.

I’m a mess right now.

The worst part is that I can’t talk to my friends about this because they hate him for his bullshit, which I understand, but I want to vent without being  judged. I can hear them say “Just ignore him”. I’ve put up this “strong” face for them, but I’m so sad right now.

Why am I so mean?

but when i dream of who we were i slip away

and if you love me like you say
take this book and burn the page