Tag Archives: college

Haiku about Every Boy I’ve Kissed So Far

24 Mar

 

1) You were a dare but

I still smile when I think of

you. We were thirteen.

 

2) I kissed you just to

fit in with the cool girls and

because you were nice.

 

3) I’m pretty sure I

loved your skateboard more than I

could ever like you.

 

4) You drained my color

I’m getting it back by bits.

You are an asshole.

 

5) I will never be

into guys with Jordans. You’re

a funny friend though.

 

6) I only let you

kiss me because I thought then

you would  disappear .

 

7) I was happy to

be another conquest of

your thick loud accent.

8)You looked like a god

too bad you fucked like a slob

take my number though

 

9)I was lonely when

you said “please stay”. Then you shut

the door on my face.

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All the boys I’ve kissed so far (not in Haiku)

24 Mar

1) You were just a dare but I still smile when I think of you.

2) I kissed you just to fit in with the cool girls and because you were nice about it.

3) I’m pretty sure I loved your skateboard more than I could have ever liked you.

4) You drained me of every ounce of confidence I had. I’m still trying to get it back, Asshole.

5) I was never into guys with Jordans. You are a funny friend though.

6) I only kissed back because I thought I was never going to see you again.

7) I was happy to be another conquest because I liked your smile and your Russian accent.

8) You looked like an Angel, too bad you fucked like a slob.

9) I was lonely when you asked me to stay. After, you slammed the door on my face. It must be another one of your vices.

You’re still ugly

30 Dec

okay im sad. Im like really confused while listening to former Mexican Sensation RBD.

“Bobby is doing good”
looks away
“he has a job and he’s always with his lady”
face burns

No wonder he hasn’t bothered me in a while.
“Yeah, his dick is occupied”

I knew he had a girlfriend
And I don’t think it’s jealousy. I don’t think its envy.
I dont know what it is

It’s like half of me is kind of hoping that he stays faithful and shown growth with his new relationship
but the other part wants him desperately to cheat on her like he cheated on me

Because I don’t think I deserved that
and maybe he likes her more than he ever liked me, which is why he won’t cheat on her.

But I was pretty.
And smart.

and maybe that girl is too, but he cheated on me.

he treated me like shit behind my back

I don’t like him and I kind of want him to be miserable because im miserable and im ugly and fucked up and I dont think im smart anymore and I hate it.

and the boy who made me hate myself every night is happy

the boy who made me cry because he chose to hang out with other girls is happy

and im not.

and i want to be happy

and i want to be pretty
and i want to turn back the clock and beg my fifteen year old self to not waste my time with him

I want to tell my fifteen year old self that I could do better.

but if i can do better, then why was i the one who got fucked up

I guess he has lived through enough misery for him to get some happiness. because his life really sucked.

but i tried to make him happy and i wasn’t good enough for that because he used me.

and i am so happy i got rid of his awful company but why didn’t he like me

and is he going to be kind to his new girlfriend?

is he going to regret how he treated me?

i hope i still pop up in his nightmares like he does in mine.

but he had such an awful life.

why can’t i be happy that he is finally doing good?

because he embarassed me but im a good person, I should be happy he has moved on.

but i haven’t.

I still think about him every day and it drives me insane.

im still so attached to every negative feeling he made me feel.

I can’t turn it off and i really want to

and he took every ounce of self esteem i ever had when i broke up with him

that isn’t fair

I don’t even know what I’m writing about,

16 Mar

Two final papers.

One is due tomorrow.

The other, on Friday.

 

I did nothing for these two classes, so i HAVE to get a decent grade on these papers.

 

Instead, I’m going to go to sleep.

I’ll take adderall tomorrow. 

It’s not going to work, but maybe I’ll get a placebo effect or something.

 

Why am I not smarter?

If I could I would

10 May

There are so many cute boys in college and here I am, not having sex with any of them.

I just want to be as smart as everyone thinks I am.

4 May

Maybe this the depression talking, but I don’t think I’m smart anymore. I honestly never felt smart, I just knew how to get good grades.

There is a difference.

 

 

I am now on Academic Probation. My parents read the letter before I did(even thought it was addressed to me) and holy shit are they mad. My dad keeps repeating that I’m so smart, that this shouldn’t be happening to me because he knows I’m smart. Everyone who knows me says that I am smart but i don’t see it or feel it at all.

I feel like such a failure. I hate this. Why can’t I be smart like that think I am? 

 

 

For Right Now, It’s more Than Enough

4 Apr

I used to pride myself in being an optimistic person. I was always looking for a way to have fun regardless of my situation. If someone came complaining about their trouble to me, I tried my hardest to make them believe that all hopes not lost.

 

I lost that recently. The past year and a half have been hell and for some parts of it, I had no idea if I wanted to even see a bright side. I liked it dark, even if it hurt.

 

I just began my new Quarter at UCLA and I am signed up for some classes that seem far more enjoyable than the ones I had last quarter.

Sadly, I failed two out of three classes last quarter.

I did get an A in the class that I did pass, but I don’t think anyone is going to be paying much attention to that.

Anyway, I can’t really do anything about my grades from Winter, so I am going to try and do better this time around.

 

That feels really good.

Just thinking that I want to try again makes me feel so much more than what I have been feeling.

 

I now know that I want to study English and Theatre and fuck you to whoever asks me what I want to do with an English degree because right now, I just want to graduate without drowning myself.

 

Spring shall be good to me.