Tag Archives: crushes

Haiku about Every Boy I’ve Kissed So Far

24 Mar

 

1) You were a dare but

I still smile when I think of

you. We were thirteen.

 

2) I kissed you just to

fit in with the cool girls and

because you were nice.

 

3) I’m pretty sure I

loved your skateboard more than I

could ever like you.

 

4) You drained my color

I’m getting it back by bits.

You are an asshole.

 

5) I will never be

into guys with Jordans. You’re

a funny friend though.

 

6) I only let you

kiss me because I thought then

you would  disappear .

 

7) I was happy to

be another conquest of

your thick loud accent.

8)You looked like a god

too bad you fucked like a slob

take my number though

 

9)I was lonely when

you said “please stay”. Then you shut

the door on my face.

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All the boys I’ve kissed so far (not in Haiku)

24 Mar

1) You were just a dare but I still smile when I think of you.

2) I kissed you just to fit in with the cool girls and because you were nice about it.

3) I’m pretty sure I loved your skateboard more than I could have ever liked you.

4) You drained me of every ounce of confidence I had. I’m still trying to get it back, Asshole.

5) I was never into guys with Jordans. You are a funny friend though.

6) I only kissed back because I thought I was never going to see you again.

7) I was happy to be another conquest because I liked your smile and your Russian accent.

8) You looked like an Angel, too bad you fucked like a slob.

9) I was lonely when you asked me to stay. After, you slammed the door on my face. It must be another one of your vices.

You’re still ugly

30 Dec

okay im sad. Im like really confused while listening to former Mexican Sensation RBD.

“Bobby is doing good”
looks away
“he has a job and he’s always with his lady”
face burns

No wonder he hasn’t bothered me in a while.
“Yeah, his dick is occupied”

I knew he had a girlfriend
And I don’t think it’s jealousy. I don’t think its envy.
I dont know what it is

It’s like half of me is kind of hoping that he stays faithful and shown growth with his new relationship
but the other part wants him desperately to cheat on her like he cheated on me

Because I don’t think I deserved that
and maybe he likes her more than he ever liked me, which is why he won’t cheat on her.

But I was pretty.
And smart.

and maybe that girl is too, but he cheated on me.

he treated me like shit behind my back

I don’t like him and I kind of want him to be miserable because im miserable and im ugly and fucked up and I dont think im smart anymore and I hate it.

and the boy who made me hate myself every night is happy

the boy who made me cry because he chose to hang out with other girls is happy

and im not.

and i want to be happy

and i want to be pretty
and i want to turn back the clock and beg my fifteen year old self to not waste my time with him

I want to tell my fifteen year old self that I could do better.

but if i can do better, then why was i the one who got fucked up

I guess he has lived through enough misery for him to get some happiness. because his life really sucked.

but i tried to make him happy and i wasn’t good enough for that because he used me.

and i am so happy i got rid of his awful company but why didn’t he like me

and is he going to be kind to his new girlfriend?

is he going to regret how he treated me?

i hope i still pop up in his nightmares like he does in mine.

but he had such an awful life.

why can’t i be happy that he is finally doing good?

because he embarassed me but im a good person, I should be happy he has moved on.

but i haven’t.

I still think about him every day and it drives me insane.

im still so attached to every negative feeling he made me feel.

I can’t turn it off and i really want to

and he took every ounce of self esteem i ever had when i broke up with him

that isn’t fair

I’m going to rant

22 Feb
One thing that really bothers me…

I’m going to complain about my love life a bit.

I have this thing where I like to whine about how I don’t like anyone and I’m not interested in anyone.

Whenever I do that, my friends are always quick to tell me that there are people that “like” me, but I have to give them a chance. 

I don’t think thats fair though.

I don’t think that because someone finds interest in me, that I HAVE to show interest back.

I like to do the chasing (which might be why I have little luck in the dating department). I don’t want to go out with someone just because they asked me out.

I want to be genuinly interested in them. I want to care about what they are going to day, and be comfortable enough that I won’t have to worry about yawning in the middle of a conversation.

I don’t know. I feel like people mistake my single status for desperateness.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with the guys that like me, I just don’t feel like I owe them anything for doing so.

I’ve been called too picky, but really, I’m not. 

I think that wanting to go out with someone I am actually attracted too is not too much to ask, that’s all.

it really did suck

19 Dec

When I had a boyfriend a few years ago, I had to hide it from my parents.

They did find out a couple of times and they did the whole yell at me thing and threaten to send me away and all that bullshit, but still, I didn’t care and continued on having a boyfriend behind their backs.

 

I did a lot of lying and sneaking around. I used my friends as alibis and yada yada.

I wish it hadnt been that way, but not because I cared about the relationship so much, but because I had to hide all the feelings that I had while going through that.

 

Whenever I had a really shitty fight over jealousy with the guy I was dating, I had to go to the restroom and cry silently in my shower to make sure my parents didn’t hear me.

 

I had to cry into my pillow and try to make as little noise as possible, when I really could have used a big hug.

 

I even faked having a falling out with my best friend because my dad walked in on me with tears running down my face once. 

 

When I broke up with the kid, I felt shitty.

I really wish they would have given me pep talks and advice and all that shit.

Instead, I had to go one about my business and pretend nothing happened.

 

 

 

Right now I’m 20 years old and I have no idea what I would do if I were to start dating someone.

I don’t know if the guy would be allowed to pick me up from my house, or if I still have to lie about who I’m hanging out with.

I wish I could have a girl talk with my mother.

I wish they could give me the “it’s their loss if they don’t like you back” kind of encouragements.

 

I wish I was allowed to have these kinds of feelings around them.

 

I feel like I’m not allowed to be a normal girl.

I feel like I’m not allowed to blush if a boy calls me pretty or even get excited around them when a boy calls.

 

I wish they would be able to cheer me up right now that I’m trying my best to have a positive outlook on this whole dating thing and give me some advice on how to get the cuties attention. 

 

Instead, here I am. Doing everything wrong and feeling pathetic about it.

 

 

and it fucking blows.

So there’s this boy right

19 Nov

ng I’ve ever seen in South Gate.

He is two years older, and went to the South East High School not South Gate, which I probably why we never met before this summer.

 

Anyway, I have this huge crush on him and all the friends that are also his friends are trying to hook me up with him, but because I’m a fucking idiot when it comes to this stuff, it isn’t going too well.

 

 

My friend read our text messages.

Apparently my respond to him texting “I’m so bored it huuurrrtttsss”

meant he wanted to hang out. Of course I didn’t ask him to hang out, but started talking about some other stupid shit. 

 

“You’re acting hard to get!”

 

But no, for this kid, I promise I will not act hard to get.

He can get it. 

He just needs to say when, and boom *drops panties*

I just want him. 

and apparently when he says “lets crash the party!!!!!!”

I just need to say yes, not say a really stupid story about how I egged the people who are throwing the party’s house.

 

I fucking told them I’m stupid with boys!!!