Archive | November, 2012

Just my luck?

29 Nov

I was standing in line to get food when a couple of people in front of me greeted their friend, Jason. 

Jason went over to the group and exchanged some small talk. They then agreed to text each other later so they could go out.

For some reason, in that very moment I realized how amazing college is. 

In my school, there are literally thousands upon thousands of people your age just living next to each other and spending all day together without parents or anything. In the terms of a six year old, you have so many kids to play with!

You have so much food to devour, and big huge campus inside this amazing city that can very well be the best playground ever.



After becoming overjoyed at the thought that I am part of this great thing, I felt lonlier that I have ever felt in my life.


I am in my second year at UCLA, the largest public university in the west coast, and I have not made a single friend. 


Okay, I’m going to go cry now.

I’ll write more about this later.


But I’ll be damned if I can fix everything with a man!

27 Nov

I like to think my problems amount to more than simply lacking a male companion who can fuck my brains out. 

I’m fucked.

27 Nov

I don’t want to do anything anymore.

I am a college student. College students do work. I don’t.


How I haven’t gotten kicked out, I have no idea. I am very grateful that I haven’t, sure, but I don’t know why I refuse to do any learning!


I don’t think straight I guess.




Everything that came after doesn’t matter.

25 Nov

He didn’t want me and he didn’t want me.

I sound conceited, but I was really pretty then. I didn’t think so at the time, but now I see that I was.

I was also really nice and just the right amount of interesting.

I tried to be whatever he liked.

I became a fan of the bands he liked, and did my hair the way he once mentioned he liked, I put on the tightest skirts and bounced around him.

As much as I cried and begged to have a boyfriend I didn’t have to convince to want to look at me, he just didn’t want me.

And it sucks because I have their names and faces and conversations engraved in my memory and my favorite summer songs remind me of them

and I couldn’t compare to those dumb broads, but it doesn’t matter,

because for some reason, he liked them and not me.



And he just didn’t want me.

Does this even make sense?

21 Nov

I have been so horny for the past year, yet the very thought of a penis makes me remember how nasty those things smelled and tasted that I have no idea how I am ever going to have sex again.

I really want to have sex, but I don’t want to touch a dick or feel its slimy substance on my hand.

I know you don’t have sex with your hands, but I’m assuming I’m going to be doing some foreplay before, um, well you know, doing it.

In my attempts to be logical, I kind of figured that this must mean I am not ready for sex.

This must also mean that my former partner was not very nice as he allowed me to touch his sweaty(but understandably so)penis.

So yeah, I’m guessing that once I have someone I really like and I am in the mood and what not, I won’t care and just enjoy it.

Hopefully he is conscientious enough to wash it first.

Aside 21 Nov

Just drain the color from my hips.

I don’t want this,

I don’t want IT.


Friends already

20 Nov

I really want to talk to someone, but I think everyone I know has done their fair share of listening.